You Heard it Here First: Storylines for 2017

Real football returns this week with training camp, so it's worth taking a "serious" dive into potential 2017 storylines. 

As we cruise through the dog days of summer, the promise of real football is about to come true. Training camp starts this week—and it couldn’t come at a better time for Packers writers. Frankly, the hardest part of the gig—and I’m not complaining—is generating story ideas after the draft buzz fizzles out. 
 
Training camp promises to fill the cupboard of writing topics, whether that’s position battles, injury updates or whatever hilarious thing Martellus Bennett says next. 
 
But with a foot still in the pre-training camp world, I thought it would be a good time to project some potential storylines for the 2017 season. Take them with a grain of salt—or a dollop of melted cheddar. Your call. 
  • After the Packers’ slow start to the season and a bye week spent kickin’ it in California, Rodgers in his first interview back tells fans to C-H-I-L-L-A-X. 
  • During day-long, team-building paintball tournament, seven players go down with inexplicable hamstring injuries. 
  • Newly immersed in jazz classics, Ted Thompson trades in press box clapping for press box snapping.
  • Eliot Wolf grows a beard with the hope that it will make him look older.
  • Larry McCarren’s pinky is inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame.
  • Upon being threatened with ejection after a violent sack of Sam Bradford, Mike Daniels pleads his case by asking for a Trial by Combat.   
  • Jordy Nelson quietly goes about being one of the most productive and red zone efficient receivers in the league.
  • An investigative piece by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reveals Dom Capers’ hair to be “made almost entirely of Alaskan Muskox fur.” 
  • Dean Lowry takes a positive step forward in his second season and spends time off the field moonlighting as a Tyrannosaurus Rex at birthday parties for kids. 
  • Greg Jennings appears on FS1 talk show to remind people of the ongoing bitterness toward his former team. 
  • Head coach Mike McCarthy walks unscathed from a fender bender, citing quality steering wheel fundamentals and proper brake pad levels. 
  • For the fourth straight season, social media mentions of Jeff Janis disproportionately outweigh on-the-field performance. 
  • Following Packers’ Super Bowl LII victory over Oakland, New England fans exclaim, “Rodgers would never have beaten Brady.” 
  • Following Packers’ Super Bowl LII victory over Oakland, local Green Bay man exclaims “only” two rings confirm Rodgers’ prime is being wasted.
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Comments (14)

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The TKstinator's picture

July 24, 2017 at 04:08 pm

My favorites here:
1. Capers hair
2. Brake pad level
3. Craig Jenkins' bitterness

Well played, David!

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carusotrap's picture

July 24, 2017 at 04:17 pm

"Brake pad level."

An instant internet classic.

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Spock's picture

July 24, 2017 at 05:22 pm

Loved the Larry McCarron pinky reference. On another site one of the bloggers suggested that after the Packers get their 'thumb' (fifth SB) ring they should put up another statue in front of the stadium and use Larry's pinky with the rings. Got to love the idea!

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Roadrunner23's picture

July 24, 2017 at 06:09 pm

Very clever indeed you are David, very clever indeed lad...

NostraDANus

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JerseyAl's picture

July 24, 2017 at 06:13 pm

Great Stuff!

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John Galt III's picture

July 24, 2017 at 07:57 pm

I can't get a handle on this year at all and I have watched the Packers since the late 1950's.

Anyone see something like a 13-3 or 12-4 season?

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GBPDAN1's picture

July 24, 2017 at 09:07 pm

Lol..... this made my day

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Savage57's picture

July 25, 2017 at 08:38 am

Isn't comedic writing supposed to make you laugh?

I just winced. Forced and hackneyed, stick to what you know.

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WKUPackFan's picture

July 25, 2017 at 06:54 pm

That is an unfortunate opinion, because the entire article is quite clever and humorous.

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Savage57's picture

July 26, 2017 at 07:43 am

That says more about you than it does me.

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The TKstinator's picture

July 26, 2017 at 07:16 am

So you're saying it's "comedic"...

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Yooper's picture

July 25, 2017 at 08:48 am

I will hop on board the "David" train if you can show me another player in pro football who has done more for his team than Jeff Janis..... with less playing time #lesshypemorebigplays !!!:^)

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ThxJackVainisi's picture

July 25, 2017 at 09:55 am

Loved it, but where did this come from: "Jordy Nelson quietly goes about being one of the most productive and red zone efficient receivers in the league"? ;)

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dnicholson's picture

July 25, 2017 at 11:11 am

I figured I'd sneak an actual potential storyline into the mix. I fully expect Jordy to do exactly that :)

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